I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
