I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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