Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
