Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
