dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
