1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
