i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize