bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
