I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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