Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
