I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
