I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
