picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
