so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
