Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
