At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
