I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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