do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
