fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
