your parents love me but you hate me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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