I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
