Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
