I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
