Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude. I can hear the air.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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