everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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