I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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