How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
