this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
