I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
