Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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