One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
