shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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