the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize