I am spending my child support on dildos
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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