We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dicks are not precious.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize