the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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