Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When did angry sex become our thing?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
