dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
