remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
