I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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