I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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