Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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