he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
