My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
