I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
