he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will be naked everywhere
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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