i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
