Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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