I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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