The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
