This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
