i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
