Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
