just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
