Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
