shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
