Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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