real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
