I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
God, I missed his penis.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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