wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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