You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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