i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
