You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
