I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
