No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
