You're my little dorito
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
