How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I would fuck him just for his dog
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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