I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
