I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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