Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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