I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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