I got chris browned last night
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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