I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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