yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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